5b/100: I Can't Believe I Just Said That

Consider this entry a Mulligan of the previous. One, because I didn't really obey the directions last time. Two, I didn't explain any feelings of mortification, or any feelings in general about it because, well, I didn't have any.  It was mainly written for entertainment value and now that I think of it, didn't really apply to the assignment outside of being a puff piece of entertainment. So let's disregard that last one and start anew.

Day 5: Write about a moment when you said or did something extremely embarrassing or accidentally insulting. Go into detail about the feeling of mortification, and how you felt after you said it.

Does this help exorcise the guilt/embarrassment at all? Can you imagine a fictional character going through the same process? Length: 350 words

 I Can't Believe I Just Said That:

"I have the keys to the Chief Marketing Officer's penthouse suite."

This is one of those situations where a seemingly innocent piece of information snowballs into a shitstorm that I couldn't have reined back in if I tried. It nearly got me fired, cost me hundreds of dollars and even lost me a few friends.

I was in San Francisco for our company's annual conference.  Since I was to conduct interviews with some of the attendees, our CMO graciously provided me with the key to his penthouse suite in Union Square's Westin Hotel for the set. After the conference, a few of us went out with the the remaining attendees, where I mentioned to our lead sales associate that I still had the keys. I was firm that only our immediate group was to be invited, and was assured that all would be okay. An hour later, that room held nearly 100 people and growing. Four cash bars were completely emptied. Furniture was broken. Prostitutes were invited up by our own employees, leading to the theft of my phone and three other company laptops. At 4am, I began to survey the damage. I was absolutely terrified.

I didn't want to return to work. I didn't want to look my boss in the eye and explain what I did that night, how it got so far out of control. I was ashamed, embarrassed. I betrayed his trust, something I can never take back. I wanted to impress everyone that night. I wanted them to know how cool I was for having access to the top of the world. I could barely apologize to our CMO, I was so mortified. ...HR spoke with me about what happened. There was an investigation over the stolen equipment. It was an awful experience, and I still get sick to my stomach thinking about it.

In time, it would all fade away. I learned a harsh lesson from that experience, one I still carry it with me to this day. I have my own reputation to uphold now and much more at stake. Call it, perspective.