21/100: Reminds Me of This One Saying

Day 21: The next time you hear someone saying a popular expression, write it down. Then, write a short story that disproves the “point” of that expression. How does reality differ from conventional wisdom. Length: 400 words

"You're so full of shit."

Okay, one; I'm not.  I mean, I can sometimes, you know, in the heat of the moment, stretch the truth a bit.  I think everyone tends to do this from time to time in the excitement of the moment, some worse than others.  I would describe myself as landing slightly onto the center of this scale. However, “full of shit,” may be a bit of a stretch, especially by reality’s standards.

We all have “shit” in our system. Feces. Poop. Human waste. It’s in there. And it’s always (ideally) moving along down the tunnel to make its way out.  Interestingly enough, there’s only a small percentage of actual poop that’s in our system at any given time, 5-20lbs of it to be exact.  Considering that I’m 165lbs on average, and that I’m mostly on the lighter range of the weight spectrum, my body is incapable of being composed of no more than 33% and no less than 8.25% of waste at a time. Furthermore, that composition of waste is made up of about 75% of water, the rest being a combination of soluble and insoluble fibers, bacteria (live and dead), other cells and of course, mucus.  That means that at any given time, the actual amount of physical waste existing in my body ranges anywhere from 2.06-8.25%, more likely leaning towards the lower number, as I’m not an exceptionally big eater.

When one thinks of how to define the term “full,” it’s easy to picture a glass of water, filled to the brim, the meniscus seemingly ready to break at any moment. I could not possibly fill up that glass any more, for fear that it would pour over the edges and get everything around it wet. Fortunately for everyone around me, my poop is not designed to behave in such a way.  Scientifically speaking, I’m completely incapable of creating a scenario in which I would be literally full of shit. Unless of course, this was done manually, in which case I would be unlikely to survive such a catastrophe.  I imagine this scenario being carried out by the Cartels as a warning. Note to self: don’t mess with the Cartels.

So next time someone tells you that you’re full of shit, just remember–you’re not.  Not even close. Actually, they’re full of shit for even suggesting that you are, being that they’re off by around 95%. Take that, haters.