A Lot Happens in a Year

I have some catching up to do. It's been over twelve months since I've last written and there's a lot to cover. I'll spare the details though...the details are unimportant. It's what I've learned from the details that matters. Much has changed because as I've mentioned before, a little over two years ago, I made a firm decision that included the following:

1. Sell my house.
2. Head west.
3. Explore.
4. Reflect.
5. Rediscover the creative mind that has been slipping away from me since allowing myself to slowly slip into the midst of mediocrity.

I can honestly say that I've accomplished 75% of what's on that list. So, concerning #1: Selling my house. I didn't do that. I tried. It sat on the market for two years because frankly, the housing market is crap and I was a naive buyer who purchased a home in a neighborhood within Cleveland that will only rise in market value if John Wayne comes back from the dead and strikes gold underneath the layers of silt and coal deposits that make up the landscape of Old Brooklyn. If I could market it on the quality of my old neighbors alone, I'd be able to move it in an instant. Unfortunately, that's not the case. So, I did the next best thing. I rented it out to my good friend and his family, who are now happily enjoying the freedom of home-living. So #1, half check. ...at least I moved.

Now, on to #2: Heading west. I did that. I successfully moved to Portland. I rented an apartment in the Nob Hill area, packed up my entire house, sold some stuff, put a bit of it in storage, then shipped the rest out here on a moving van. Have you ever tried to fit the contents of a three bedroom house into a 380 sq. ft. flat? It's a challenge. But I'm here, accompanied by my faithful companion, Kino. It's been three months and so far, so good. I may still be searching for permanent employment, but at least I got a cool little gig in a coffee shop to tide me over while I look. I'm still poor. I ride a 50 year-old yellow bike. I drink a lot of tea. I am truly living the Portland lifestyle.

#3: Exploring. I drove across the country. By myself. Through eight states that I've never visited in my life and I loved every second of it. I stopped in Chicago and drove north through cheese head-country. I saw an 80-ft. statue of the Jolly Green Giant. I visited Mt. Rushmore and drove through the Black Hills. I drove along the outskirts of Yellowstone, only to be driven back up north due to high winds and zero visibility on the roads heading in. I saw a random parade in Missoula, MT where everyone in the town danced down the street while dressed up as safari animals. I saw the sun set over the Rockies. I saw the sun rise over the Great Plains. I learned that Kino and mountain goats are not friends...not even a little bit. I became fascinated by the Columbia River Gorge and the many mysteries that it has to offer. I've seen the fog roll in from the Pacific and overwhelm the coastline. I've hiked the north western rainforests and discovered waterfalls that would make your heart skip, just as it did mine. I've fallen asleep to the sound of the surf hitting the Pacific shore. I drove 2800 miles in 3.5 days. I've done all this in less than three months. And I've only just begun to explore.

Along with this urge to expand my horizons comes #4: Reflecting. With so much time to myself, it's been fairly easy to reflect back on the past few years of my life and figure out what's gotten me here, what mistakes I've made (and there are many) how to remedy them, how to let go of them, and how to concentrate on looking forward to the future while learning from the past, not just dwelling on it. That's something I tend to struggle with on a daily basis...letting what's already come to pass weigh down my steps on the journey into what's yet to come. I think, however, I finally starting to be able to do so. It's a long process that will require a bit of a character change for me. Employing techniques that I've always used (meditation, illustration, daily exercise) in a more disciplined manner, I'm starting to see a bit of that change begin to occur. It's a process though, and will take time. Through patience, I know I'll one day figure out who exactly I am and what my life means. Until then, I continue on.

And finally, #5: Rediscovering my Creative Mind. Have I done this thoroughly? No. But that's why I'm here in Portland. This is an American hub of creative youth and culture. There's a saying here that's posted all over the city stating, "Keep Portland Weird." And you know what? It's weird. Every last bit of it. When I walk downtown, there are moments where, between the absurd amount of leiderhosen and over-population of handlebar mustaches walking about, I honestly feel as if I'm passing through a Carnival. My ex-girlfriend spoke Carny. If I started eeezy-weezy'ing around these guys, I'm positive most of them might plotz themselves on the spot. Am I walking through a Carnival? No. I'm walking through Downtown Portland. Aside from that culture, however, there is an amazing amount of small design boutiques, ad agencies and corporate marketing firms that hire graphic designers such as myself. I haven't found a permanent job just yet, but that's because it's extremely competitive. And since I've been here, I've applied to nearly everything I can find. But in the meantime, I've started writing again. I've started painting again. I've started filming again. I've given myself the opportunity to get back to the state of mind that I employed ten years ago while I was finishing up school. I'm starting to recognize myself. And that's nothing but a good thing.

Change is good. Change is inevitable. Change is our only constant. Now that I'm here and I've given my life the shake up and challenges that it needs, I feel as if I'm finally able to embrace it.

On the other hand, there's always those jaws of defeat lurking underneath the water, waiting to pull me down at any instant...but at least then I'll have the peace of mind that I actually gave it a shot.